It’s “OK” to be Selfish

I have been having different conversations with women lately. I came to realise that the one thing in common we lacked was time for ourselves. We are so caught up with our work, the spouse, the kids, home, parents and possibly the in-laws, social circles of influence, ministry and the list is endless. We have a thousand people dependent on us. In the grind of our schedules we don’t make the time or find the time to invest in our friendships, have some sort of a renewal, or have a nourished clear mind and body to be able to run the whole show. We may already be on the verge of a burnout and already running around in a tired mom-zombie mode. So let alone the thought of being selfish. The meaning of selfish is ” lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.” The last thing on our mind is to be selfish for our needs. So, here are some valuable insights that could put that perspective in perspective

We have needs: We are just as human as the other members in the family, so we have needs and wants too. So buy that lipstick, get the pedicure or even the spa you have been thinking of. Go out for a coffee with your friends. Do you know when our needs are met, we have so much to give out too?

You cannot give if you do not receive: To be able to be the best wife/ mother/ friend/ daughter and daughter in-law we need be able to give ourselves permission to take a break which is perfectly acceptable as somewhere in the betterment of our children family and everyone else involved we have decided to lose ourselves.

Your life is meant to impact: When you start loving yourself a little more and start being kind, you accept yourself, build on your confidence and overall morale to be the person that you are. Once you are taken care of, think of the number of women out there you can make an impact on!

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Here are my recommendations on some selfish self-care:

• Get up before the household does just so that you are recharged, renewed and your mood is set for the day.
• Schedule appointments for yourself just like we squeeze in everyone else’s things to do for the day/ week and month.
• Prioritise your health and nutrition and ensure that you make time for exercise because most often we are the backbone of the family.
• Accept gladly when help is given or offered.
• Stop multitasking because we get overwhelmed at the too – much- to- do.
• Accept occasional failure.
• Just breath.
• Start small.
• Be “STILL”.
• SLEEP!

None of what I listed above has shocked you, so why is it so hard for us to do. I think we forget that we’re stewards of our bodies that God has given us. We focus so much on others that we put ourselves last. In the words of Christian author and speaker LysaTerKeurst, “If your overwhelming schedule has left your soul underwhelmed, then maybe self-care is a good place to start”. What self-care looks like for you may look like something completely different to someone else. The important thing to remember is that caring for yourself is a process, not a one-time magic pill.  But one thing we can be sure of is this: Jesus promises real and meaningful rest wherever you find yourself today. 

Credit:Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Propel Article :https://www.propelwomen.org/content/selfcare-is-selfish-and-other-lies-i-was-told/gjebd3

Propel Article:https://www.propelwomen.org/content/eight-tips-for-selfcare/gjeb1

Ways to FIT in the ‘ME Time’

 

We all need the small breaks just to be able to prevent ourselves from a burnout. In  my previous post (Your Me Time is important) I had promised certain secret tips. Here are my tips to help you fit in your ‘Me Time’ in your schedule:

1. Wake up early or Stay up Late: Get a head start before the kids get up or get your breather once your kids are tucked down in bed. It is not recommended we sacrifice sleep over activities we want to do. I usually sit in the night and keep a cut off which is 11:30 pm because I know I have to be up early next morning.
2. Collaborate with your Husband: Get the husband to assist you when you want to get your things done. For example, I have my Friday Bible Study for which I don’t take the kids so my husband takes care of them right from giving them a bath to helping them with dinner and putting them to bed.
3. Make use of the Nap Time: As soon as you put the child down to nap, we are in a race to finish chores and get dinner started or even finish replying to a mail. Resist that urge, take 10 minutes to lie down with your child and then get moving.
4. Work around your Kid’s Activity Schedule: Another way to get your downtime is to schedule some activities in between their football coaching or tuitions. I go to pick up produce and provisions and even collect my dry-cleaning during these to and fro drives.
5. As soon as Everyone is out of the house: I get the usual chores around the house done in under 45 minutes and then catch up with people I can during the morning half because by noon I have my kids come home.
6. Get Help or Ask for it: During the days I have to catch up with people or have a beauty parlour visit, I get my domestic help to pitch in for the meals so that I don’t have to worry about it too much. If my parents are visiting then I ask them to help. The day my husband works from home in the week is an actual boon for me. I get him to do the picking and dropping of the kids so that I can go about with my  errands and sneak some time to do stuff for myself without the kids. Some of you stay with in-laws, they would be more than happy to help provided you ask them to do so for an hour or two.
7. Schedule it: We honour our appointments with the doctor or an invite to a event or party. So honour the commitment you have made to do the thing you wanted to. It could be prayer time, your workout time or even just time to paint, read and doodle.
8. Moderation: I know off mothers who can go overboard with their ‘Me time’. The kids are kept with the nannies or are kept in daycare just so that they can have lunch with their girlfriends, get their pedicure and hair highlighted. Now, that’s when it becomes self indulgence. All things must be in moderation.

Galatians 5:22-23: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

DO write in and let me know too how do you fit in your little window of ‘Me Time’.

Your “Me time is Important”

Dedicating some time for oneself is indeed not selfish. Everyone in the family depend so much on us including elderly parents to get things done. There are days when we long for a peaceful and quiet time for ourselves just to help us have a clear head. A study has found that the average mother ends up with a mere 17 minutes to herself a day. Self care sporadic stuff are invigorating and are wonderful but I find them very momentary and not enough for us.

So what are the benefits of scheduling a “me time” for yourself ~

• Gives us a clear perspective of things overall: When we get some idle time for ourselves – we are able to prioritize, schedule and organise our various activities for the day, week and even for the month. The little breather we get also helps us just process everything that’s happening around us. It helps us to just ‘be’!
• Renews us spiritually, emotionally and physically: “Me time” enables us to touch base with ourselves and just connect with GOD. We are so engrossed with the daily tasks at hand that we sometimes hit the wall. It’s a slow and steady buildup of emotions, frustrations and sometimes even a sense of being overwhelmed. We get so irritated on every level possible. We end up being angry, irritant and even become unhappy with the people we love and at what we have become physically emotionally and spiritually.

1 Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

• Helps us to be balanced: We must find ways to engage ourselves in  activities that are therapeutic. For me blogging, photographing food, baking and of course my weekly studying of the bible are just therapeutic. It helps us to prioritize our little time of being productive and helps us to be sane in the head. We become a much better person overall.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

• You are Human:  A battery requires recharging for the power to be up and full, as human as we are we need refuelling of our energies too. Give yourself permission to be able to do the things you love because we are in our happy zone when we engage in them. We deserve our little time off!

So don’t feel guilty about taking some time off – or going on a mommy strike (which will I post about soon). Getting some “me time” helps you to be a better and balanced mother.

Stay tuned because in my next post I will share with you some tips on some secret “me” moments.

Credit: Image Source Ben White and Jaroslaw Ceborski on Unsplash.com